Out with the old, in with the new

Wall mural of a woman's face

(Photo: Angie Rayfield)

I finally sat down to do a little post. When I looked at the calendar, I couldn’t help but say, “December? The year’s over?” It seems like just yesterday I started this blog with the best of intentions. I’m gonna post two or three times a week at least. It’ll be a place to help me ‘think through’ things, and share with people dealing with similar experiences. And, of course, it’s going to be wildly entertaining so that readers will flock to it in droves. At the least, I’m gonna be discovered and score a book deal. I’m probably gonna make a jillion dollars in the process.

Yeah, not so much. So why didn’t I do it?

Part of it, of course, is that I’m much better at coming up with new projects than I am at completing any of them. Part of it is that I found myself overwhelmed by other things, and just let this slide. Some of it was pure laziness (hey, gotta be honest).

But when you come right down to it, I’m not all that comfortable with the whole concept of spilling my guts publicly. Let the whole internet gawk at my deepest thoughts, dreams, fears? We’re talking the introvert’s nightmare. And yes, I am an introvert, although people that don’t know me well may be shocked at the notion. Shoot, look at her – she’s friendly, outgoing, don’t think she ever met a stranger. Come on, she’d chatter away to the potted plants if there was no one else around. There’s a post for another day – the way that introverts can, and do, use a bubbly façade as a protective barricade around themselves and their emotions. But that’s another day.

In the meantime, I think I’ve come up a way to encourage myself to write more, more often, and maybe even more in depth. Over the years, I’ve been a dedicated (obsessive?) collector of quotes. To me, words have power, and sometimes the words of others don’t just get my attention, they grab me by the throat and demand that I acknowledge them. Music has much the same power. So why not use these words and songs as a sharp stick to poke myself when I’m confronted with a scary blank screen, and inspiration is nowhere to be found?

It should be an interesting experiment.

And diet season begins

The family feast

(Photo: John Herschell, CC2.0 license)

Ah, what a wonderful time of year. No, not winter, or the holidays. I’m talking about diet season.

You know what I mean. It happens every year. From Thanksgiving through Christmas, it’s one long feast. Every other commercial on TV is blasting us with a vision of happy families and long tables loaded with beautiful (and high-calorie) treats.

But get past Christmas, and what happens? The lovely images of blissful families gathered around the table disappear, and are replaced by a cornucopia of promises – promises to make you thin and beautiful. In just a couple of hours this morning, I saw commercials for a local weight loss surgery clinic, Dexatrim, NutriSystem, Weight Watchers, the ‘full bar,’ and a couple of others that I’ve already forgotten.

Everyone feels fat on New Year’s Day, don’t they?

For me, today is a nice change from New Year’s past. Yes, I still feel fat. And yes, I still am thinking about losing weight, making healthy food choices, exercising more, and maybe even fitting into a much smaller pair of pants.

But I’m not sitting here obsessing about which of those commercials I should pay attention to. I’m not wondering if I can maybe combine the pills with the special diet food with the magic weight loss trick to speed up the process – you know, just for a little while at first, so I can get started, because I just know that if I could lose that first 5/10/15/20 pounds, my willpower would kick in and I’d be OK.

For the first time in a long time, I feel like I can relax this year. Yes, there’s still plenty of work ahead of me, but in a way, the hard part is behind me. The decisions have been made and the course set. All I have to do now is navigate it.

Of course, no one ever said navigation was easy, did they?

Should old acquaintance be forgot…

love graffiti on cinderblock wall

(Photo: Angie Rayfield, all rights reserved)

It’s a funny thing. I don’t really believe in astrology, and I don’t think I’m overly superstitious. At the same time, I have a daily horoscope app on my phone, and I check it every day.

Even if I don’t believe in astrology, I can’t help but acknowledge that sometimes it’s strangely accurate. Coincidence? At least in part. The other part? Any good psychologist would tell you that the human mind is a strange little creature – we remember the predictions that ‘come true’ and ignore the ones that tank. But still….

For instance, I’m a Scorpio. What kind of character traits do I have, in theory at least? Scorpios stubbornly cling to emotional attachments, and rarely forget or forgive emotional rejection. We’re emotional and sensitive but keep those emotions tightly controlled, don’t share what we’re feeling and are so secretive that you may never truly know us. We’re passionate and intense, dive into relationships full force and take those relationships seriously because we put all that passion and intensity into them. We make tough decisions quickly and correctly, and you really don’t want to make a Scorpio your enemy. We are critical, demanding, and forceful, and if you make us mad, we not only will see to the bottom of your bullshit, you’ll find out that we’re sharp and vindictive. The Scorpio will destroy you, and then laugh at your remains. And then we’ll take a picture of them to put in our scrapbook.

OK, I might have made up the last part. But does any of that sound familiar? Nah, I didn’t think so.

Anyway, I brought up all of that to lead up to today’s horoscope. For instance, today it says that even if I don’t have any exciting plans for New Year’s Eve, I can still enjoy the evening. OK, how did it know that I don’t have a date? (Don’t get me started on that, though. Remember the ‘vindictive’ thing.)

And it continues: “You should take a moment tonight to recognize and acknowledge everything you’ve accomplished this year. You probably feel a sense of anticipation for what lies ahead in the coming year, and a symbolic toast to your future is definitely in order.”

Although I’m prone to saying I haven’t accomplished much, that’s not really the case. I quit ‘researching’ it and finally took the step of getting my lapband. Just over 3 months post-op and I’m already 30 pounds lighter. Even better, I’m healthier, and making changes to keep it that way. That’s an accomplishment, right? And just wait – 2011 is only going to get better.

Oh, the picture? Has pretty much nothing to do with the post. I just like it.